Last week,Logo premiered寻找白马王子,a reality competition colloquially referred to as the "gay Bachelor." And that's what it is.节目中主持人兰斯·巴斯引导着英俊的，机器人小罗伯特·williamhill官网塞普韦达。through a gaggle of would-be suitors,都是以电视爱情的名义。我们通常的比喻是：浪漫的音乐，catty brinksmanship,以及偶尔宣布的个人悲剧。Some contestants play coy — Brodney amusingly struggles with "opening up" at a pool party,声明它不是这种温柔时刻的场所（然而在电视上出现却不那么客观）。在比伯的音乐会上，其他人像特温斯一样蜂拥williamhill官网在罗伯特周围。It's all pretty amazing and hilarious.
The biggest laughs,however,来自罗伯特本人，williamhill官网whose enviable torso often stands in for personality.他把自己描绘成一个浪漫的灵魂，感同身受的想法——但他几乎拒绝保罗喜欢矮个子男人，把靴子给了尼克，whose sweating is seen as a roadblock to connection.Meanwhile,upon learning that the aforementioned Brodney is a trainer from his current home of Atlanta,williamhill官网Robert senses they might be a perfect match — you know,because they live in the same city and like to work out.It's gloriously superficial,and I want to drag williamhill官网Robert over the coals for it,but unfortunately,I can't act like I'm not a shallow gay man too;嘿，williamhill官网罗伯特-你去给自己找个辣妹。我全力支持你！
Full disclosure: my friend Brandon is amongst the suitors;所以我对他有极大的偏见。Go Brandon!
Photocap after the jump…
“我真的很想见到一个被禁足的人，深思熟虑的，interesting,family-oriented,and educated.Or has abs.Actually,I'll just take the abs."
“我是一个很有同情心的人；so I really understand what this beach towel is feeling."
"I wonder if there are any mer-men out there.And if there are,do they work out?"
Lance: "Tell me 威廉希尔官网注册about your last relationship."
williamhill官网Robert: "Well,it was really powerful,但最终我们缺乏一个基本的联系。I mean,he went to LA Fitness,and I go to Equinox."
"It's funny talking 威廉希尔官网注册about relationships because I'm married now."
“你能相信吗？I found a lifelong partner!我！兰斯巴斯！”
“但我又来了，rambling on 威廉希尔官网注册about BEING MARRIED,我就是这样。”
"Next question please."
"I haven't eaten a carb since 2011."
Paul: "Hi there!I'm Paul.You have amazing eyes!"
Eric: "Thanks!You have amazing awkwardness!"
“高个子不是很好吗？We have such a connection."
"Wow.I'm trying to create a connection with you,but I'm not sure I can connect with someone who connects with short guys."
"C'mon Charlie,don't be scared.我相信这个白马王子更关心的是里面的东西，而不是外面的。”威廉希尔官网注册
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
"WOW!I'mdefinitelygetting kicked off first!"
"Was the red suit a mistake?It was a mistake,wasn't it?Yeah,I can see that now."
"It looks like he opened up a checking account atJoS.A Bank."
"They're laughing at me.That's okay: smile now and cry into a pillow later."
Door girl: "Please,we all know I'm the star here."
Sam: "I swear to God,if this is Prince Charming,I'm going to turn straight."
"I like fabric."
“嘿，伙计们，现在您必须将自己描述为一个hashtag。例如，I would be #MARRIEDyesIsaidMARRIED."
Robby: "My hashtag is–"
Nick: "I guess if I had to describe myself in a hashtag,it would be #newjerseyketchup."
“我叫查理，I live in Hermosa,我在寻找爱。”
Lance: "You know you have no shot,对吗？”
“嘿，伙计们，很抱歉，我假装是你们中的一员，这么卑鄙，but to make up for it,I promise to be super vulnerable from here on out.And by ‘vulnerable,' I mean shirtless."
"Hey Robby,why are you so gay?"
"Why are you so conservative,玛丽？”
"PSSSHHHAAAHHH.你是the conservative one,ladyface."
"Just because I talk like Trudy fromMad Mendoes not make me conservative."
"If I could think of a comeback,我会的。Oh wait wait… here we go.FIX YOUR DRESS!!!Nailed it."
"I don't feel safe."
"But you're in a wicker cage."
"I'm sorry I'm uncomfortable,but I've been cruising you for two years at the gym,and this is the first time you've ever talked to me."
“嗯，I don't talk to sweaty men.你见过尼克吗？”
"Did somebody say my name?"
"I just don't think I can be open with you at a pool party.And in front of a national television audience.But mainly it's the pool party."
"Wow.And here I thought we had such a connection.I mean,we're both from Atlanta,我们都去同一个健身房…是的，like,destiny."
"All this vulnerability is making me hot."
"You guys,williamhi威廉希尔官网注册ll官网Robert's about to take his shirt off."
"I SEE AN AB."
"You guys,I'm shirtless too,soooooo…."
"Me likey.ME LIKEY!!!"
"Is everyone ready for my honesty?"
Justin: "Dillon,turn around,你不见伊瓦亚里塔昂了！！
"Do you mind if I come sweat near you,williamhill官网Robert?"
williamhill官网Robert: "It's bad enough that you're sweating,but now you want to talk 威廉希尔官网注册about New Jersey???"
“我想和这里的人建立联系，尼克在出汗。How the HELL am I supposed to connect with THAT?"
"Sweating means I'm nervous.And that makes me vulnerable.You like that don't you???"
"Just give up,亲爱的。”
“嘿，罗伯williamhill官网特，just wanted to say that I'm having a great time swimming,and–"
"Why are you talking to me?"
"williamhill官网Robert,wait!I have something awkward to say!"
"I'm so sorry for saying that I've dated short guys.我现在意识到，这是一种极端的冒犯。”
“谢谢你对我诚实和脆弱。And for working out."
"So,williamhill官网Robert,我说过我结婚了吗？Because I think that's an important point to make."
Lance: "Okay everyone,here's how this will work: williamhill官网Robert will stare vacantly at you,谁先眨眼谁就回家。”
"Eric,will you accept this ball-less mouth gag?"
"Eric,我觉得我们之间有真正的联系。你很热，I'm hot,and we love to breathe.谢谢你和我分享你胸肌的诚实。”
Lance: "Real quick: williamhill官网Robert has requested that those with spray-tanned abs refrain from looking directly into his eyes."
"HOW DOES HE KNOW???"
"Oh look,my Uber driver's here."
“是的。We totally bonded in the pool."
"Hmm,I don't usually swim with morbidly obese people.Are you sure?"
“嘿，我有点胖，but I'm pretty sure I'm not morbidly obese.That really hurts my feelings."
"Wow,非常感谢你对我的脆弱。You are by far the best Uber driver I've had.Five stars!"
"But what 威廉希尔官网注册about… us?"
"I just don't think there's a connection.I'm hot,and you're… you."
“作为一个炙手可热的人，I'd like to say something."
"Yes,Brodney.You have the floor.And great arms."
"Remember that time at the gym when we walked by each other and smiled but didn't say anything but then you looked back and I pretended not to see you?Well,I saw you."
"You know,布罗德尼我们有很多共同点——我们都喜欢跑步机，we both have eyes — but I feel like you're too guarded."
“不幸的是，今晚你将不会收到领带,but feel free to send me a dick pic anytime."
What did you think 威廉希尔官网注册about the show?